Tuesday, August 22, 2006

oh wells. wanna thank u for cheering me up even thou u were some ultra sick coughing person. heh. told me john said u didnt sound sick but u kept coughing when u were talking to me. almost like u had a furball stuck in ur throat. i wish i was sick like u man. den dun need to go school. heh.

depressing day for me la. i feel like liverpool leh. its like i screw where i shouldnt and cus of that, i shortchange myself when the total marks are put together. u shouldnt lose careless petty marks in easy common tests. mr tan said i might have failed by chem cus my mcq only 1 correct. sigh. den math test was horrid, 5 questions, didnt know question 2, careless mistakes on 3, 4 and 5 thats bound to rob me of some marks. blehh.

been trying to stop thinking about the bad stuff la. but darn hard lo. cus when u get over one, another bad one comes, its like i keep asking myself. wads the diff nicholas tan. whether u try or not. u still end up all the same. like when u keep telling urself ur not gonna do it ever again, compared to just freely doing it, in the end, u still do it either way. bleh. one example would be last term. i hecked all my work, practically didnt pass up anything, so i ended up with Ultimate Disaster grades, den this term i genuinely put in effort, but wad do i get, picked on by math and chinese teachers, do well in to test and flunk the rest despite studying. sheeeesh. in the end they still balance out and become horrible grades.once again i ask myself, why do i even bother.

i eat alot man. i wonder if its cause i m stressed. cheuk said it might be, but den again, who knows. but i love food thou.

urgh. jc life is so depressing. day 2 into Dr Bernards devotional and i m not feeling happy at all. its like someway somehow, the strength, the goodness, the happiness fades away by the end of the day. and when i find You, sometimes, You seem so far. i slogged, and i tried to put it in Your hands, didnt You promise me i would be the head and never the tail....

me and You got alot of catching up to do. sigh. all out of faith, all out of strength, just that little bit of love and that little bit of hope left.

|cowpoo| 6:41 PM|

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